At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
