Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
