he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
