literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
