anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize
