That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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