guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
