When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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