I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
