I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
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