Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
