Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
