You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
