So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
