Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
