Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Are my feet made of real feet?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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