She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
