What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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