Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
