2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
