It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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