i need an iv and a liver transplant
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize
