She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
i need some magic done to my vagina
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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