Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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