i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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