I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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