sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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