You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
