I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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