just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
