lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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