I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
