Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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