well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I have surprise drugs for everyone
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
