need another drink. this is the easiest way
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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