Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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