i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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