well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
