Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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