I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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