it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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