One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
So much rum. So many feels.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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