You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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