i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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