So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
