Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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