i just sent this text using only my big toe
my being single is dangerous.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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