Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
