We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
