sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I cut my penus on the lid.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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