Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize
