If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
