dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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