Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
