i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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