If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
