do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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