She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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