A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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